Reflecting on Life: Retirement, Grief, and New Beginnings

Nathan and James on discord

Nathan and James on discord
Aeon is ten and I have a grandson now. Shannon passed away last February. Most of my grief is for my grandchildren though, for the grandmother they’ll not have. I wish somethings could have been different but I have no regrets.


I still get up at four a.m. every weekday and go to work. My brother retired this past March (lucky bastard) but he’s older than me so he deserves it. I’ve been contemplating what I’ll do in my retirement. I was thinking of buying a camper, getting my brother and go live on a lake near the grandkids. Go travel and see things together. Make up for all the time we had to do other things instead of being brothers.


We’ve discovered discord and made a lot of friends there however we use it every evening to chat, relive some memories and laugh. We video chat with one of his sons regularly. I wish I could say that I am happy. For the most part I am but I’m lonely sometimes. My daughter, her husband and grandson live with me and despite seeing Nathan every night I miss companionship. My wife had a lot of issues that never allowed her to bond with me so that feeling was always there. Now she’s gone and I feel an opportunity to find that connection with someone yet I’m older and afraid that time may have passed. I don’t do dating apps, go to church or night clubs so I’ve limited my resources of meeting someone. I’m a regular at a local lodge just so I can see the familiar faces of the girls who work there. I’ve got about a dozen guitars and have been playing a lot with people I’ve met of discord but I feel I’m ready to start writing again and so I’m back here.


It’s been awhile and it feels good to be back.

Happy New Year!

2016

2016

I wasn’t the same person I was this time last year, I was someone else. Today I am somebody else. Today I am more thankful than I’ve ever been than I’ve ever been in my life. Today I am alive and thankful. Here’s why. God didn’t kill me. Climate change didn’t kill me. World War III didn’t kill me. Terrorist didn’t kill me. The volcano under Yellowstone didn’t kill me.  Can I get on with my life now?

My life hasn’t changed much since my dog died, then my mother, then my nephew killed himself on December 10th, 2014. Except

I have a lot more things to be thankful for than what could have happen to me, I have this.

Aeon

 

A grandbaby.

Happy New Year! Everyone and welcome to 2016!

Aeon
Baby christmas elf

Guess who came home the night before Thanksgiving! My legacy, my daughter imparted in her child. My genes, my everything. I will continue. Our world is changing, our climate, our understanding of history, our connections online.

We are growing as a society. Finding others like ourselves online.  Like borgs to a collective we make connections and webs. All ways looking out for each other. I have been online since 1998. I have watched as each country came online. I have networked across boundaries that i’ve never thought possible. I am 50 years old. My granddaughter is 5 months old.  I can only imagine the wealth of information she will be capable of having access to.

I was born during an era of dial up telephone, before online. At first it was transmitted as radio signal.  Then over the telephone but it came.  The internet and a way to meet people from all over the globe. We connect.

Aeon